I felt like my head was going to explode.
I was shocked at how little she seemed to actually understand about women’s hormones… and she was a woman!
I knew deep in my heart that what I was feeling was NOT ‘normal’ in any way…
But what on earth was I meant to do now?
How was I supposed to get up each day knowing that the exhaustion, weight gain, and depression wasn’t something that could be fixed?
I went home feeling dejected and I felt like giving up.
I felt so guilty…
I had 3 small children who needed me…
Who wanted me to play and wanted cuddles in the middle of the night because they were scared or sick…
…but I couldn’t do it.
I was too tired and spent the whole time they were awake waiting for the time they would go to bed.
This wasn’t the life I wanted or the life I imagined for my children.
I had always thought I would be one of those active, fun loving mothers… not one that was constantly complaining of being tired and feeling depressed.
All the other mothers at kindergarten bounced in to pick their children up so full of life and energy.
How did they do it?
I constantly measured myself against my friends, and even my mother, who seemed happier, healthier, and more together.
I struggled to drop my children off to kindergarten on time, I forgot to brush my hair, I didn’t care what clothes I put on… I was just amazed I got out the door each day.
I was so sure that something must be wrong with me… but my blood tests were all ‘normal’…
Maybe it was all in my mind? Maybe I was officially going crazy?
In desperation, I called my doctor and PLEADED with her… “I know you said there’s nothing you can do… but please… there must be SOMETHING that might help??”
After a long pause, I heard her sigh, and then she said, “Look, I want to help you, I really do.”
“I don’t know if it will make any difference seeing as your blood results came back normal, but I can refer you to an Endocrinologist… maybe he can help.”
I was so excited about my appointment with the endocrinologist because I assumed he would be an expert on hormones – so finally I might get the answers I’d been waiting for.
Well, I can’t tell you how much of a disaster that appointment was.
The endocrinologist was AWFUL… well, I’m sure he’s fine at dealing with patients with diabetes, but he was hopeless with me…
In fact, he sent me out the door telling me I had depression and a sleep disorder.
And just for the record… I don’t have depression or a sleep disorder!
At home, I dissolved into tears of frustration and despair.
I knew that my tiredness and craziness and general lack of lust for life was part of a much bigger problem… my HORMONES.
And if I couldn’t find out how to fix it, my husband wasn’t going to put up with me for much longer, and my children were going to end up HATING me.
I had to do something.